


Just Another Girl

by zeldadestry



Category: Actor RPF
Genre: Community: 100_women, POV Second Person, Triple Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-26
Updated: 2011-03-26
Packaged: 2017-10-17 07:10:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/174227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeldadestry/pseuds/zeldadestry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You’re not an envious person, but you watch Natalie Portman on the set with substantial hunger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Another Girl

**Author's Note:**

> "Black Swan" is the film mentioned.  
> Prompt 94, 'lost', for 100_women fanfic challenge

You’re not an envious person, but you watch Natalie Portman on the set with substantial hunger. She was a child star, too, but somehow she’s fit it all together better than you. She laughs easily, without seeming to care if she looks goofy when she does, or how many people are watching. Your character is sullen, cynical, and you smirk at yourself. “Guess I’ve suddenly gone all method.”  
Afterwards, when Darren Aronofsky compliments you in the press, you’re touched and grateful, until you startle awake one night wondering if most people who read the kind words will just think he wants to fuck you or that he already has.  
Sometimes you’re not sure if you messed up at the right or wrong time. Look at Lindsay Lohan. Do you pity her? Maybe. Will she crawl her way back up, like you did? Maybe.  
The first time a production couldn’t get insurance for you, you wanted to beat the crap out of whoever was in charge of those decisions. And you knew it wasn’t because of what you took, it was because of all the prescription drugs they found in your purse when they busted you. Some smartass on the internet said: I knew she was in trouble as soon as she started hanging out with Courtney Love. So for a while you’re a punch line, you and Courtney both. Courtney has her brilliant moments so unified derision isn’t fair. She’s not useless, no matter how many times she stumbles. She’s not trash, declared worthless, disposable, right?  
There’s a picture, black and white, of you and Johnny kissing. It’s from more than one lifetime ago. Your teen queen days are gone, but Johnny’s seem evergreen, so sometimes you still see the postcard for sale.  
Fire, you think. It’s gone. Burn it.


End file.
